I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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