I just made out with a guy for $7.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
