yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I understand Curling. That high.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
