Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize