I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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