you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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