She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
