wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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