you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
