brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
