dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
