Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
