If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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