Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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