is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
