why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
there was a trapeze. enough said
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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