There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
