i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
