Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
