my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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