I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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