i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
