Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
