would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
