I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
