obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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