I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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