The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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