opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
