she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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