The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
