he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
