GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
