What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
