But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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