come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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