Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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