dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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