Your dad touched me again.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
