Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
