I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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