1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
