he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
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I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
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I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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