No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
