You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize