This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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