thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Houston, we have a squirter
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
