You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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