Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it's not cheating when I paid for it
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
