i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
