Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
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i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
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I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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