gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
