I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
