in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
