fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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