How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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