i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
