I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
