tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
