It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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