guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
