i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize