4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
