can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
