man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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