I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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