he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize