i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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