If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
