Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
